Valentines Day Rapport

How to develop and heighten rapport on Valentines Day beyond your wildest dreams!

With Valentines day on the doorstep for another year here is way of enhancing those romantic occasions. In thinking about something pertinent to Valentines, I thought I would write about a topic that fascinates me; developing rapport.

Fundamental techniques in NLP show people how to do physical things like match and mirror body language, which I think is fairly well documented these days. I had a local newspaper advertising salesman come along to my centre recently to talk about advertising and I was amazed at how blatantly and obviously he mirrored every movement I made. It verged on being uncomfortable! If you are going to match and mirror, you can match body language with more subtlety.

You do not have to copy every crossing of the arms with a crossing of the arms yourself. You can intimate a crossing movement with your fingers much more gently. You can also then look at matching the speed and rhythm of speech, match the rate of breathing and general tempo of that person.

You can then progress onto to doing things to do with matching the form of their representational systems within their language? "What?" I hear many of you ask. Well, that is something you can ask me about separately. This article is about something else.

What is more interesting for valentines is a deeper connection in the person you are with.

The idea that you can create the kind of 'instant connection' that leads to deeper intimacy with another person fascinated me, and that sense of fascination is still with me. While many of the 'techniques' for building rapport (matching, mirroring, sensory words etc) have been well-documented, it occurred to me that, when that sort of 'instant connection' happens spontaneously, often its in the absence of any techniques whatsoever.

My partner, Sara, and I recently discussed that lots of people often comment on how comfortable they feel when they are with me! What many people are astonished with is the degree of rapport I can and do often get with other people. I very often do not do anything in the way of matching body language, sensory words or breathing rate when I am out of the therapeutic environment, yet I do get into extremely deep rapport with the people I come into contact with, leading to comments like "You know me better than my best friend" or "I feel like I've known you all my life". Hmmmmm..... I thought.......

How do you do that?

Well, whenever I see someone doing something really cool, the NLP question that I ask is "How do you do that?" One of the presuppositions of NLP is that if one person can do something, then we can learn how to do it and teach it to other people. We all have human neurology, and the amazing skills that individuals demonstrate are based in their neurology, so anything one person can do can be done by anyone else with human neurology. (As an aside, I was once at a Richard Bandler training where he said "Anything is possible". Someone challenged his assertion, and he replied "Look, if something's impossible, you're going to find out soon enough anyway, so you may as well assume its possible until proven otherwise" which I thought was just the coolest answer.)

The kind of thing I examined about myself was that whenever I meet someone, I accept them exactly as they are, with all their foibles, peculiarities and peccadilloes. Of course, in order to accept them as they are, I need to accept myself as I am. That is the reason my website and day to day manner is sometimes brutally honest, verging on arrogant, laced with my own brand of humour; because that is who and how I am and I accept that. It seems as though the other person somehow senses this acceptance, and deep rapport develops instantly.

Here are some ideas to tinker around with;

1) Sit for a few moments, and experiment with accepting yourself exactly as you are. Say to yourself "I accept myself exactly as I am".

If you are experienced in meditation or self-hypnosis, this may be very easy, right from the outset. If you are less experienced, it may be a bit trickier at first, until you realise that, whatever your internal response to the statement is, you can just accept that.

Example:

Me 1) I accept myself exactly as I am

Me 2) Oh, what about that tension in my shoulder, I don't like that.

Me 1) I accept that tension in my shoulder.

Me 2) But I don't like it.

Me 1) I accept the sense of not liking it.

Me 2) That's not fair!

Me 1) I accept that sense of 'not-fairness'

etc.

I use the abbreviation of 'Me 1' and 'Me 2' because human consciousness is self-reflexive, and it seems that, no matter how many 'me's I identify, there's always at least one more 'me' observing the other 'me's. Go figure!

If you have never done this exercise before, you may find it to be an extraordinary experience. Whether you do or whether you don't, just accept yourself as having the right experience for you.

2) In a low-risk situation with another person, decide to experiment with accepting them exactly as they are. Say to yourself "I accept this person exactly as they are". Notice how quickly deep rapport develops.

When I first started showing others to do this, all kinds of objections would kick off within people. They would notice things they didn't like, or want to offer them advice, or react to what they were saying. Whenever you notice these responses in yourself, just do exercise 1, and accept yourself exactly as you are. This makes it 10 times easier to accept them exactly as they are.

Using this approach, I have managed to get a very deep level of rapport, and to be influential in situations where you'd never imagine being able to. Believe me!

How does this work?

The idea of rapport is that you meet someone at their map of the world. Matching & mirroring do this at the level of behaviour, but acceptance of the other person seems to match them at the level of identity. Many people get told from an early age that it's not OK to be them. Often, the behaviours they develop to deal with this not-OK-ness get them stacks more messages that they're not OK. This approach of total acceptance seems to send them a number of messages along the lines of "I accept you as you are", "You are OK", "You are a valuable human being", "You are worth listening to" etc. For many people, this is the first time they've received those messages, and it is powerful indeed.

So, as you gaze, all soppy-eyed over the candle-lit dinner table this Valentines day, you can heighten your sense of connection with that person by just accepting. See how your romance blooms and rapport develops beyond your wildest dreams.

Have fun!

Copyright Adam Eason 2005. All rights reserved.

Adam Eason is an author, Trainer, Consultant in the fields of Personal Development, Human Potential, NLP & Hypnosis. He trains globally and his products sell all across the world. He can be found at <a target="_new" href="http://www.adam-eason.com">http://www.adam-eason.com.</a>

Getting Great Pictures of the Kids this Halloween

There she was in all her glory. Long white lab coat, frizzy hair, safety goggles -- and a face smeared with the black ash of an experiment gone terrifically wrong. She was, at least on this Halloween night, Dr. Abby Normal. But for most of her life I had known her as Abigail, my daughter, and I had just taken some of the most legendary photos of her life.

These weren't your garden-variety portraits. Not exactly Wal Mart studio stuff either. They were pictures taken of my kids in their natural element -- being kids. That is the real photo opportunity of a holiday like Halloween.

For treasured images this Halloween, here are some quick tips to remember to get once-in-a-lifetime photos:

1. Stop Posing -- Halloween is not a formal affair. So don't bother with the wedding style shots. Engage the kids in the play associated with their costumes -- and THEN shoot the pictures. Candids reveal the smiles much more than a "Hold still, honey!" moment.

2. Shoot Early, Shoot Often -- Film is the cheapest part of photography. And in this digital age, there just isn't a reason not to shoot several images. There are many good reasons for being trigger happy with the camera. First, if kids are use to you constantly firing away they won't bother with the plastic smiles. But most importantly, shooting more simply increases your chances for great pictures. With Halloween pictures some of the best images are taken while the costuming is in process -- don't wait for the finished product in getting out the camera.

3. Get in Their Face -- Halloween was made for pretend. Kids love to make faces, don costumes and assume a new personality. It is the ultimate form of exhibition. You just can't let the opportunity pass. They WANT to be noticed. Most point-and-shoot variety cameras have wide-angle lenses. While this helps them to get sharp results and to work well in lower light, they tend to move the subject matter further away. Most have a minimum shooting distance of around three feet. Don't be afraid to push that limit at Halloween. Get in close, have them make faces, ask them to talk to the camera. They will. It is, after all, Halloween.

4. Let Them Call the Shots -- It's their party. Ask them what kind of pictures they want. When my son was Harry Potter a few years back he wanted to jump off the roof on his Nimbus 2000. We had to reason with him a bit. But a little leap from a lawn chair to the grass did the trick and we got the shots of Harry in flight. Chances are your kids have an idea of the persona they are adopting. Let them call the shots to document the experience.

5. Use the set -- Most of us decorate for the season. There could be haystacks, a bubbling pot, a roaring fireplace. Use these props, even if they don't fit the theme of the costume. Down the road the memories you cherish will include all the fun that went into creating the holiday environment in your home.

Good candid pictures of children require active participation and putting them at ease. Halloween is the easiest of seasons in which to do this.

? 2004 by Jeff Westover

About The Author

Jeff Westover is a freelance writer and father of seven from Salt Lake City, Utah. He is the managing editor of My Merry Christmas.com, where folks have been making merry online for more than a decade. He writes about holidays, families, parenting, home schooling and photography for a variety of publications both online and offline. Please visit <a href="http://mymerrychristmas.com" target="_new">http://mymerrychristmas.com</a> for more articles like this one.

Dear Santa: Christmas Sucks!

Christmas time is finally here, and most people during this holiday are happier than a fat kid eating a Krispy Kreme donut. Christmas brings so many great things to the table; the caroling, the NO SCHOOL, the snowmen and hour long snowball fights that ends with bloody noses, the eggnog and drunken relatives, the presents, holiday parties, and the drinking hot coco next to a roaring fire while cuddling up with your loved one. How could anybody not love this great holiday! It's a hiatus from the dark sadness of reality and a time where you can be ridiculously happy! But maybe too happy?

In a recent poll, over 45 percent said that they dreaded the holiday altogether. Not everyone seems to see the light that Christmas brings, and if you look harder into the eyes of this joyous holiday, you may see why. More people kill themselves around Christmas time than any other time of year. &quot;Well,&quot; Khayeni Sanders, a fellow Christmas lover states, &quot;I think you should make a club, or a house, for those people. It's like an equivalent of a homeless shelter! Wait, what's the question again?&quot;

There are several reasons why people just don't like Christmas, one is that spending Christmas alone is a very depressing situation for anyone. The couple theme that constantly exists with this holiday is not easy to hide from if you are single. For people who are already suffering from depression, the Christmas season only makes it worse. Another reason is the belief that Christmas has become too commercial. In fact, over 50 percent of people polled said that they think Christmas should be toned down a bit. &quot;It definitely has become too commercial with people putting out decorations two months in advance, but the spirit behind it has generally stayed the same for most people&quot; declared Sarah Geiger. A third common reason why Christmas isn't favored by some is that there is often a feeling that everyone else is having a better time than you. The constant belly-full-of-jelly laughs around the company water cooler may have you thinking, &quot;Did I miss something? Am I being left out?!

What's going on?!&quot; Other more common dislikes are the constant money spending, the overeating, and the Christmas parties. Christmas time can also remind people of a lost one, which could make anyone, have a miserable Christmas time. All of these horrible things that tag along with Christmas could make even Satan cry a tear of sympathy for the people who just can't see the joy Christmas can bring. It's a shame not everyone can be happy during this time of year, but being depressed on Christmas is completely understandable. These poor saps seem to miss the Christmas bliss train every year, but who knows; this year maybe, just maybe, they'll catch it.

About The Author

Daggi Pulz is co-webmaster at <a href="http://www.links2see.com" target="_new">http://www.links2see.com</a> an online family directory. She can be contacted at <a href="mailto:Daggi@links2see.com">Daggi@links2see.com</a>

Making Time to Write this Holiday Season

As the countdown to Christmas day continues, most everyone is naturally all wrapped up in preparing for the big day (and the eve of the big day and the day after the big day?).

Whether it's shopping, baking, or hosting holiday gatherings, you are probably engaged in time-consuming activities related to the season.<BR>Although your dedication to these tasks is completely reasonable and most likely pre-planned, your ability to meet these demands and still have to write may not be as realistic.

In order to maintain your sanity through the holidays, you should not allow your writing time to totally disappear. You may find yourself feeling somewhat stressed out, as you try to tackle the gift buying and deal with the family get-togethers.

I honestly believe that if you make time to write during this hectic season, you may alleviate some of the inevitable anxiety associated with the holidays. Writing can be as relaxing to writers as watching television is to couch potatoes.

You should not overlook the value of a little me time (or break/rest time for you alone). Schedule some me time or free time into your busy day, and then actually TAKE IT!

During this break period (however small it may be), you may find that it will help you to write about your worries and/or aggravations. You could accomplish this goal by:

<li>Recording the events of your day into a diary of sorts before you go to sleep each night.</li> <li>Writing random thoughts or jotting down brief notes as they come to mind through out your day.</li> <li>Carrying a journal with you to family gatherings, shopping expeditions, holiday celebrations and related events and then use it to write whatever you feel like writing about at any given time.</li>

(For example, you may observe something that inspires a story idea or you may want to record actual images, scenes or conversations that occur during these seasonal festivities.)

Making lists of things associated with the holidays that you either know a lot about or want to learn more about ? which in turn could serve as possible article ideas for next year at this time.

Chronicle your feelings about your child as you watch him experience his first Christmas and then continue to do this each year until he no longer believes in Santa Claus (or until you no longer see the look in his eyes expressing the natural awe of the season that only children have).

Compile your account of these yearly events into a memoir for yourself and/or as a gift to share with your child when he gets older. You could also use your chronicle as a stepping stone for a possible book about Christmas, children, holidays etc?

Whatever you write about or however you choose to use your writing time, your primary goal will be achieved, if you just TAKE TIME to write during this busy season!

Best of luck to you and Happy Holidays to you and your families.

Resource Box - ? Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more. Read it online at - <a target="_new" href="http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp">http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp</a>

Create Warm Memories with Holiday Traditions

I remember just a handful of the Christmas presents I received as a child: My first Barbie doll with her skinny black sequined gown. My soft, pink Pat-a-Burp doll. The microscope I got in second grade.

But I have many, many memories of our holiday traditions. The lovely aromas of holiday ethnic food. Riding the South Shore train into Chicago to visit the "real" Santa. Using a paintbrush to decorate sugar cookies with colored frosting. Setting up our manger scene.

Traditions add so much joy to the holidays. Traditions give a child a sense of belonging and identity. They strengthen bonds across generations and live long in memory.

A family rich in traditions has a powerful antidote to commercialism. The more focused you are on pleasures that cost little or nothing, the more all the gifts tend to stay in their appropriate place.

Best of all, many traditions are perfectly suited to today's busy families. Here are a few favorites:

SIMPLE PLEASURES

Light candles at dinnertime. If December mornings are dark where you live, light candles at breakfast, too.

Take an evening stroll or car ride to look at Christmas lights.

Serve warm chocolate with candy canes for stirring.

THE JOY OF GIVING

Let your kids in on the excitement of finding and wrapping gifts for those they love. Compliment them for being big enough to keep the surprise a secret.

As a family, decide on a charity and make a donation. Our favorite is Heifer International (www.heifer.org).

Take a plate of cookies or other holiday treats to a homeless shelter or to a police or fire station.

GRATITUDE

Give family members strips of paper in holiday colors. Let everyone write or draw something they're thankful for on each strip. Link the strips into a chain and hang as a decoration.

Write thank-you cards to each other. Decide together when to open them.

CONNECTING GENERATIONS

Interview grandparents, aunts, and uncles about holiday traditions they remember from their childhood. Adopt any traditions that fit your family.

Ask relatives for holiday recipes that have been handed down in your family. Or, search the Internet for holiday recipes related to your ethnic origins.

NEW YEAR'S EVE

If your kids are little, it works fine to celebrate the new year at 9 PM instead of midnight!

Pull out photos and videos from the past year and share your memories.

Keep a box of inexpensive noisemakers and party hats that you can re-use each year. The kids will enjoy pulling out their old favorites.

NEW YEAR'S DAY

Decorate a box in which you'll put photos, ticket stubs and other souveniers of the coming year. Talk about your hopes and wishes.

Let each family member put New Year's resolutions into their own envelope. Author Mimi Doe ("Busy But Balanced") has a tradition of sealing the envelopes with wax -- a nice, magical touch.

(c) 2004 Norma Schmidt, Coach, LLC

Norma Schmidt, Coach, LLC, specializes in helping working mothers create balance. She offers workshops, teleclasses and individual and group coaching. Her free e-mail newsletter, "The Balance Point," is published bi-weekly. Visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.NormaSchmidt.com">http://www.NormaSchmidt.com</a>

Jewelry Christmas Gifts That Sparkle and Shine

The joyous season of Christmas is steeped in tradition, and gift giving is one ritual that is inseparable from this holiday. Who hasn't had difficulty at one time or another in choosing a suitable present for a beloved family member or a dear friend? Fortunately, jewelry Christmas gifts are widely available and there is an endless variety of styles from which to choose. Twinkling and shining, they reflect the nature of that season to be jolly.

Sparkling and glittering are two words that would describe diamonds. Browse through the World Wide Web and you'll see a plethora of online stores that showcase jewelry Christmas gifts. Imagine a woman's pleasure at the shimmering sight of diamond snowflake dangling earrings or a glittering diamond bracelet adorned with traditional symbols associated with Christmas. Men, on the other hand, will surely appreciate flashing yet tasteful diamond cuff links. Other gemstones make wonderful jewelry Christmas gifts. Sapphires or rubies set in gold, sterling silver or platinum will gleam subtly from rings or necklaces.

Not all jewelry Christmas gifts that glitter need to be expensive, though. Whimsical and unique designs at an affordable price for the holiday season abound. For instance, brightly colored, rhinestone encrusted pins shaped like Christmas trees are widely available. For young recipients, bracelets, necklaces or anklets made from gold- or silver-plated metals, engraved with their names for a personal touch, will fit snugly in any Christmas stocking. Stores or web sites that specialize in vintage and antique items also offer bright jewelry Christmas gifts. Take your pick from pieces such as brilliant poinsettia-shaped hairpins or nativity-inspired pendants dotted with Swarovski crystals.

For many centuries, men, women and children have been eagerly counting the days until Christmas morning, when everyone would rush to the Christmas tree to open their presents. The giving of gifts is a time honored tradition, and the selection of presents that will be appreciated and enjoyed by those whom we love is no trivial task. Scintillating jewelry Christmas gifts have always been part of that tradition and they continue to contribute to the glow that the holiday season brings.

Sam Serio is an Internet Marketer, musician and a writer on the subject of jewelry and gemstones. For more information on jewelry and gemstones, we cordially invite you to visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.morninglightjewelry.com">http://www.morninglightjewelry.com</a> to pick up your FREE copy of &quot;How To Buy Jewelry And Gemstones Without Being Ripped Off.&quot; This concise, informative special report reveals almost everything you ever wanted to know about jewelry and gemstones, but were afraid to ask. Get your FREE report at <a target="_new" href="http://www.morninglightjewelry.com">http://www.morninglightjewelry.com</a>

Colored Contacts For Halloween - Make Sure YOU Dont Go Bump In The Night!

Ok, the end of October is approaching, and you desperately want some colored contacts for Halloween. Why? Well, possibly because no one else will have any, maybe because you like to go that extra yard when you dress up, or maybe you want to get your own back on one of the neighbours kids for frightening your cat. Whatever the reason, colored contacts for Halloween make a lot of sense.

But what do you choose?

Well, some of the more conservative colors like blue, brown or green probably wouldn't cut it. These colors are too subtle and could be used for work maybe, or a dinner party where you are trying to impress. Animal eyes are pretty cool, but are they Halloween eyes? Cat's eyes might be, but generally speaking, these special effects contact lenses are dance floor eyes. Take them to the nightclub and be the King or Queen of Clubs for the evening.

But for Halloween, what you need is something a little more scary perhaps. Maybe something red - Vampire eyes maybe? That would blow little Johnny's socks off, don't you think? Or if we are going down the red road, maybe Zombie eyes would do the business. There is certainly a lot of choice for you. Halloween will never be the same again.

Or perhaps you just like being different. Well, some manufacturers will create custom colors for you. Be prepare to pay more though, because custom made contact lenses will not be stock items, and without the cost benefit of being mass produced, having a unique look could come a little expensive.

And by the way, most colored contact lenses are for cosmetic purposes, and come with zero power. This means that they make no correction to the eye, which in turn means that pretty much anyone can wear them.

The article was written by Charlie Cory, who is the owner of FX Eyes, a website dedicated to providing advice about buying special effects contact lenses online.

You can visit his website about <a target="_New" href="http://www.fx-eyes.com">special effects contact lenses</a>.